(no subject)

[weirddreams]

Sam planned everything. Asking Dean had only been the first step before he would propose to Ruby; the other steps he took included talking to John and Mary how they would feel if he proposed to her (a demon) as well as ring shopping. He also entrusted Dean to hide the ring while he formulated a plan. The plan came into fruition when asked Ruby if she would like to get away for the weekend on a romantic hike as far as they can go into the woods where they would spent most their time camping. Everyone else got the heads up they'd be gone. He and Ruby started out in the morning with their gear but sometime around noon, between the glances and the less than subtle touches and conversation points, he slowed to a stop when they came to the large clearing his brother described. The sun glimmered off the water; the stream itself gave life to the wild flowers and grasses that swayed in the wind before their very sight.

"What do you think? This is a good of a spot as any to set up camp." They should actually be able to enjoy some daylight and time together, right. Not expecting any complaints either, Sam slides his gear off his back to shrug it off on the ground.

Comments

Re: The plot thickens

[peaceonearth]

A lie isn't always a bad thing.

It's the best outcome and probably the one that Tammy fears the most.

Well...Sam is a lot more fragile than Ruby. Ruby rests her hand on the back of Sam's neck while Mary drives. Occasionally, Ruby looks over her shoulder at Castiel and Lucy. She's keeping an ear on both Sam and Lucy's heart rates (they're too slow for her liking).

Carmen appreciates the help. It keeps her from running herself ragged. Ruby scoots onto the bed with Sam, stretching out facing him. She's battered and bruised, but unwilling to leave Sam alone while he's awake. It is quiet, but the quiet is good for them. Lucy, Sam, and Ruby have been surrounded by a lot of negative sounds the last few days. When Carmen does speak, it's softly.

Lucy startles awake as well. She looks for Cas and reaches for him. "Course we would, Sammy," Dean assures him. John nods a little. "We would have been sooner but we--we thought you two were just out camping." He feels damn guilty about that too.

Re: The plot thickens

[weirddreams]

The most frustrating thing about his frailty is how easily it was used against Ruby. Sam drifts in and out of it during the drive but the hand at the back of his neck helps him know to relax. Lucy, Ruby and him are headed somewhere safe.

Carmen is the only one of them that had real practical knowledge so the last thing any of them need is her run ragged. Mary looks over John next to her and passes gauze with rubbing alcohol for his hands. They must be a little raw after digging everyone out. She passes some to Dean next. There is not a lot of space left next to Sam; however, he lets her stretch out over his side with only the smallest grunt. It means more to him than the healing process that she stays by his side.

Cas doesn't stray far from Lucy. He pulls up a chair the minute Carmen is done tending to her and answers her startled wake by taking her hand. "Well, it was supposed to be camping." The driest amusement in his tone. With Ruby curled next to him, he can't try to get up. "I'm just--I wasn't sure how else to get your attention." The plan worked though, even if it worked too well. It's a little foggy just how big the blast had been.

Re: The plot thickens

[peaceonearth]

Ruby agrees. Is that bad to say? Though it's one reason she has such a hard time saying the words 'I love you' despite the overwhelming evidence that they're true. Love is big and it can be used against them. Regardless of that, Ruby wouldn't change anything. Ruby is still on edge, concerned that somehow Tammy will invade their safe space just as she invaded their safe world. That's something that will fade with time. She'll regain her sense of safety in this place just as Lucy will.

Both John and Dean's hands are a bit scraped and raw from digging through the rubble. They both wash up at the sink then take the gauze from Mary to clean up the cuts and scrapes. Maybe this isn't exactly the hospital approved place for Ruby to be, but she thinks it's the best place for her to be at the moment and until she hears otherwise from Sam, it's where she'll stay until he's asleep, then she'll take a hot bath and soak away everything Tammy put them both through, or at least she'll try. It's more healing for her to be here next to Sam as well. Carmen must realize arguing with them is pointless because she looks over them then nods without saying anything.

"Okay. I've got you both stabilized and on some pretty heavy pain meds," she says, pointing to the IV bags. "Ruby, I still want to look at a couple of your cuts and maybe put some stitches in you. I didn't notice any broken bones, but you'd probably be better at letting me know that."

Ruby shakes her head at Carmen. "No broken bones. Physically, I got off pretty easy," she admits quietly, eyes flickering up to Sam and over to where Lucy lays. She turns her head to face Cas, giving him a loopy smile. "You came to save me."

Sam definitely should not try to get up. That's one benefit to having Ruby curled up with him. Dean smirks at Sam's words. "Well, we could've used that sign that a little sooner there, Sammich."

"What was that? What happened?" John asks.

Ruby is quick to jump in. "Demon stuff. I used my power to create an explosion." Just go along with her, Sam.

Re: The plot thickens

[weirddreams]

The three of them likely have to deal with their perception of safety being burst for the next long while. Sam, definitely, will likely feel responsible for what happened to Lucy. Blondes, the demon, had said were his type, and that's the only reason why so many were brought into it. The best thing he could hope for is that Lucy doesn't feel unsafe near him and Ruby still wants to be around him.

John and Dean will find just themselves with a good pair of gloves come Christmas because Mary will want them prepared for anything that may happen the next time. She's proud of them for not hesitating in doing what was necessary. She hands each of them as much alcohol soaked gauze as they need. Sam can't complain about where Ruby chooses to rest on him; he aches just about everywhere even without her there and he is breathing just fine on his own. Chances are it's more likely someone else will say something. Carmen's look goes entirely unnoticed as a matter of fact. Maybe it's due to the fact he has to concentrate on one person at a time.

Carmen has his attention when she turns the focus Ruby. "She's right. You need to get looked over properly." He nudges his demon girlfriend to go. He shakes his head as if guessing Ruby may protest, again, to him this time around, and silently regrets it as it makes him dizzier. "You shouldn't worry about me. I'll be right here. Promise."

However, as she has said she has no broken bones, he won't push her any more than he already has. His eyes just look into hers quizzically as if asking what she wants to do. Cas squeezes Lucy's hand without realizing it. "We all have been looking for you since we found out." Sometimes he can still be a little obtuse. Nonetheless, the expression on his face gives everything he was worried about away.

Ruby will see that he can't. His head lifts to whomever he speaks to though. Dean earns a nod and a small smile. There is not really any doubt in his mind that he should have sent a sign sooner. But no sense reflecting on that now. "I know."

Sorry Ruby, he can't lie about this (not any longer).

"We both did. What happened back there-- It wasn't pretty. There wasn't any choice left to us." He admits, his heartbeat growing quicker. The silence that follows feels deafening, and it's easier to look over at Ruby than it is to face anyone else right just that second.

Re: The plot thickens

[peaceonearth]

Lucy knows, logically, that Sam isn't to blame and she doesn't blame him. She also won't be able to help that it will take a little while for her to feel comfortable alone with him. She'll get there with some time. Ruby doesn't want to be anywhere else. That hasn't changed because of Tammy or anything she did, said, or made either of them do. She's ashamed of some of the things that Tammy told Sam and she wishes he could unhear it, but it doesn't make her want to be any further away from him than he is right now.

They could both use a pair of good gloves. The pain medication should be taking effect soon, which is part of why he's having a hard time focusing.

At Sam and Carmen's urging, Ruby perches on the side of the bed. There's a gash on her belly that Carmen puts stitches in. Most everything else just needs to be cleaned up. Ruby did suffer less physically than Sam or Lucy simply because it was less effective on her. Once Carmen has given Ruby the all clear, she snuggles back up gingerly with Sam.

Fortunately, Lucy is much smaller than Sam and the pain medicine has definitely taken effect; the squeeze to her hand is a nice pressure rather than pain. "Next time, I'm making you walk me home," she slurs slightly without any judgment. Her tone of voice is teasing rather than scolding. "I wouldn't have made that mistake back in Alabama." Because she'd gotten to feel safe here and had forgotten that bad things do happen.

Oh Sam. She was trying to make it easier on all of them.

Dean looks absolutely terrified at what Sam is implying. "Sam..." he says in a warning voice. In that tone, he's conveying his worry and asking how bad it is. "Do we...I mean...you're not going to start sucking on Ruby---not like that."

John is giving Dean a bewildered look. After a moment, he groans a little and scrubs his hands over his face. "That book. I didn't finish it but I started it." He looks up at Dean then to Sam. "Son...are we going to have a problem?"

Re: The plot thickens

[weirddreams]

At the very least, he will give her space and hope later that Lucy will let him apologize. At some point he will want to talk to her though. Unfortunately, Sam remembers it all. Ruby's history is ingrained in his mind with everything else they've suffered.

Christmas isn't too far away in the grand scheme of things. Thanksgiving is actually just around the corner and Lucy, Ruby and Sam should be 100% by then. If he had to guess how much he was given, the dose is probably enough to make a world athlete unable to concentrate. For now, he fights the urge to close his eyes, but it's only a matter of time. Anyone with eyes can see he is exhausted.

Sam remains laying in bed as he promised, but he watches Ruby throughout the whole process. He had no idea of the gash on her belly or the timing around when she received it, but it helps decrease his worry for her to be tended to. He sticks his arm out to wrap around her when she snuggles back next to him. This time she is more successful in being careful that he only winces at his own movement.

Fortunately, Cas can still manage to take her seriously. "Yes. You won't be alone again. I will see to that." What does Alabama have to do with it, he wonders to himself. Castiel acts as if he only now remembers that they should have ever let their guard down despite the appearance of safety in Itinere. "I regret that I wasn't there to walk you home."

The lie has gone on for long enough, Ruby. All it would take is someone looking into the story more to poke holes in it so, really, he is just getting a head of it.

A fraction of the color drains from his face though because they got it in one. "I don't know. It was out of my hands to begin with. It was a lot..." he swallows. His eyes eventually turn to face Dean but not to John, as he's unable to give any certain assurances. He looks inward to try to think of a way out of it but there's no way. He knows the only way to fix this problem is having everybody aware, first of all. "Honestly, it could be a problem." The book barely scratches the surface of the issue, but greatly exaggerates his demon-sex life though (not really). Sam isn't ecstatic about having to talk about it either.

Re: The plot thickens

[peaceonearth]

Lucy will accept his apology and she'll forgive him. It'll be easier when Cas has erased some of those memories. Ruby has never lied to Sam about hr history, but she didn't reveal the dirty, gritty, details the way that Tammy did in the crudest possible way. They will talk, both Lucy and Sam and Ruby and Sam. There's a great deal to talk about once they get some space from the event.

Carmen wants him to be comfortable and he needs sleep. They all need some sleep.

Sam, possessed by Tammy, actually made the gash and proceeded to try to pull her guts through it. Ruby will be happy if it remains fuzzy. NOw that Sam is resting a little more comfortably, Ruby can relax a little. It won't take long for her to fall asleep next to him once he's asleep.

On one hand, it's a good thing that Cas still takes her serious; it'll be less of a surprise to him later when she wants him within her sight all the time. "I think I'm supposed to tell you I'm an independent woman and I can take care of myself but..." she makes a weak little gesture to herself. "I like having you around more anyway." Her brow furrows a little and she manages a shake of her head. "No. Cassie...it's not your fault. Don't be all regretty. You're prettier when you smile."

She doesn't consider it a lie so much as something to be kept between them, but he's right. If someone wanted to poke holes in the story, they could easily.

Ruby carefully pushes herself into a sitting position for this conversation. "I won't let him do that," Ruby responds. "It's not like I've got a lot of blood to spare and Tammy...we don't have to let Sam go down there. It's not a problem and if it is...I'll take of it. We'll take care of it."

It's pretty obvious by Ruby's speech that she's worried about it. Dean crosses his arms over his chest. "So you didn't give it to him?"

"No--yes, but it was Tammy in me..." she glances to Sam, an apology in her eyes and on her face. "I don't think she meant to at first and then after..." Ruby sighs. "It helped us. I'm not sure how much longer any of us would have lasted." She lifts her chin a bit in that defiant expression that Sam knows so well. "We did what we had to with what we had."

Re: The plot thickens

[weirddreams]

With Lucy and Ruby's permission, Castiel will erase their memories as soon as his powers return in full force. Sam never needed to know all the gory details about Ruby, only that she wanted to move past them. Tammy spilling them the way she did had him in disbelief at the time. The first person he is planning to talk to is Ruby, for sure.

He won't be able to fight the urge to close his eyes long.

He felt as well as watched that whole experience with his own hands and through his own two eyes, but with Tammy in control, it was like his whole body was frozen, moving through a dream-like psychosis. The trauma being fuzzy is the least he deserves. He doesn't want her too far from him, if it means anything.

Cas couldn't bring himself to leave her alone even if she wanted him to. He wouldn't be able to. "I promise I won't think of you as anything less than an independent woman for needing a little help; we all do sometimes," he tells her gently. "Let me act as your third arm." He tilts his head with a meaningful look in his eye because he likes her around too, smiling just a little at the corners.

Chances are they would eventually. The pain meds probably make him more talkative, in fact. Though he increasingly finds it hard to follow them as they talk normally. Weary eyes turn to Ruby than Dean and back to Ruby to follow along. The one thing he manages to really catch is the first half of it and Ruby's meaningful look. How she had any reason to look apologetic, he didn't get.

The rest he could fill in the blanks a little.

"It's not her fault, Dean. I made the call to use my powers back there. I made the mistake of letting Astaroth give it to me." While not entirely true, it is from his prospective.

Re: The plot thickens

[peaceonearth]

Lucy will give him a blanket sort of permission, trusting him to take the horrible and only leave what she needs to be a little more cautious next time. Ruby will be more selective. It feels selfish and wrong to take memories that put her in a better light. She'll ask Cas only to take those that Sam is directly involved in, things that she knows Sam will have a hard time forgiving himself for, like hurting Lucy or drinking demon blood directly from the source, sex with Tammy (to be fair, he thought it was Ruby until the end). She knows that messing with a person's memories is dangerous and changes, to a degree, the person they are. Since she's also doing this without Sam's permission, she wants to make sure she's doing this for Sam's sake and not for her own. Besides, they all know Sam has a tendency to push and poke at things that don't make sense in his head. Lucy is much more accepting of the senselessness.

Keeping that memory fuzzy is one of the things Ruby hopes to accomplish by having Cas alter Sam's memories. It means everything that he doesn't want her too far away from him, especially as his memories haven't been altered. He knows everything and he still wants to touch her.

In that case, it works out for both of them. There's a good chance Lucy will be spending more nights in the bunker even when Cas is an angel if he allows it. She'll set up his room properly with some of her clothes in the closet and her toothbrush in the bathroom.

Lucy can't help the loopy expression at Castiel's words and even more so at the slight smile at the corners of his mouth. To be fair, the drugs are kicking in hard. Her eyes are heavy and she's struggling not to succumb to the painkillers, in part, because she's not entirely sure this is real. "Are you sure you're still real?" she asks, words running together and slurring a little. "Cause even if you're not real, I think I might love you. Big love you, not little love like I love bourbon or cupcakes. Biiiiig love like...I don't know. Big. Huge. Real. Can it be real if you're not real? Does that make me crazy?"

Well, the pain meds certainly make Lucy more confessional so Sam is in good company. Ruby is more ashamed of the things she did and the person she was with Astaroth rather than apologetic. As long as Sam didn't know all the gritty details, she got a marginally clean slate.

And that's why Ruby needs to be careful with what she has Castiel alter and remove because Sam is very good at filling in the blanks and he doesn't like having blanks.

Ruby doesn't argue because it's not entirely untrue and arguing with Sam isn't going to help right now. Instead, she circles his wrist with her fingers, careful not to jostle anything unnecessarily, and squeezes lightly, a sign of solidarity for him if no one else.

Dean pinches the bridge of his nose and runs his hand over his head before nodding. "Okay. We'll keep an eye on you. Get you detoxed, but don't fuck around with this Sam. If you start getting the urge to go all Ripper, say something. You got me?"

For at least the next several days, Dean and John will be taking shifts watching Sam. Once Cas is an angel again, Dean will talk to him about healing Sam and about detoxing him, if that's necessary. Dean narrows his eyes slightly at Ruby. "And if he starts getting peckish, get the hell away. That's not up for discussion."

Ruby gets that defiant look. "I'm not walking out on him or did you forget that wasn't me. You're the dumbass that was fooled by a piss poor imitation."

Re: The plot thickens

[weirddreams]

Cas will do what he thinks is best with her trust; though, time will tell if he feels if she should know any part she was involved in at all. Ruby has a better idea about what to do. Sam doesn't need the parts that involve him directly, but the truth is he shouldn't have been forced to see Ruby in that light when he'd already accepted her past. To a degree it will change all of them to be a part of erasing Sam and Lucy's memories. If Sam could weigh in, he'd tell her not to do it, but in the next couple of days it will be more and more evident how troubled he is about it. He does have the habit of being self destructive either way. Castiel will be thankful Lucy doesn't ask too many questions.

Ruby is over thinking it because he knew before the terrible things she did in the past. What matters most is that she is who she is now. It was pretty horrific but he only wants her closer.

Lucy is welcome to stay for as long as she likes even when she heals up. Cas will be the first to invite her to stay, followed by everybody else, most likely. His room is quite small right now but it will expand to their needs.

On the contrary, Lucy does not appear to sound any different to her regular self. The only give away is her struggle to maintain eye contact and punctuate. Habitually, the angel reaches up to touch her forehead with the intention of putting her to sleep, but quickly remembers how his grace is suppressed. "I assure you I am. You require rest," he compensates by patting her head, awkwardly. How would she be able to feel his touch if he weren't real? His hand combs through her hair after hearing her confession, but he can't accept it in her condition. "Maybe you should tell me this when you're sure I'm real. Maybe when you can explain what big love is. But right now do me the favor and close your eyes. Do you feel crazy, or do you feel sleepy?"

Sam is not going to fight sleep much longer on top of being more confessional. Maybe it helps Ruby to know that Sam still can recall the gritty details shared with him, but he still needs her close to him.

The blanks will be harder to fill because Ruby wants none of her role gone.

No one needs to see them bicker over what is true and what isn't, least of all put any real strain on their relationship. It's relaxing when she does that, just the same as when the temple is rubbed in a circular motion, and he squeezes her hand gently in return. Someone should show him a little solidarity.

Sam settles back into bed once Dean gives him the nod, resting his head back on the pillow. "Yeah. I said something now, didn't I. Lock me up if I can't control it. Promise me."

Mary will be on board with helping as it is a task they should stress about all on their own. Ruby probably shouldn't be near Sam during this time, but Sam begs to differ.

He squeezes her hand again, looking at Dean. "She needs to be part of this. I have to be able to do this with her." He has to say how he feels, not realizing how his words start to slur together.

Re: The plot thickens

[peaceonearth]

It's something for them to discuss together. She might change her name simply because the nightmares are too much. Lucy doesn't deal with that sort of thing very well. Ruby knows a lot more about memories, erasing them and altering them than Lucy does. She knows what her end goal is (to save Sam from himself). Lucy is just dipping her toes in. No, Sam shouldn't have been forced to see into those corners and Ruby shouldn't have been forced to have them revealed. She's not proud of her past and she's moving on (or trying to). She's a different person than she was then for sure. That's why Ruby isn't letting Sam have a decision whether it's right or not.

Closer is something Ruby can do, the only thing she wants to do right now.

Invitations to move into the bunker are something Lucy will have in abundance. She's likely only to keep her apartment over the Houndstooth because it's convenient. That's one of the best things about Itinere: the way it accommodates what they need. Lucy will do some shopping and decorating of Castiel's room (their room) as well. It's something she enjoys doing and connects her to the room so that she feels like it's more hers.

It's a tough subject for Lucy even when is high on pain meds. The light touches to her forehead are comforting; she construes them as affectionate. Clearly, he's not having any problems with logic or reality. That's probably a good thing. She leans her head into his hand when he starts combing through her hair, dimly aware that she probably looks like a nightmare. She huffs a little at his logic. "It's waaaay too scary to tell you this when I'm sure you're real. Real you can break my heart. Possibly fake you can't 'cause you're possibly a figure of my imagination." She means figment, of course. Her eyes droop at his question. "Sleepy. Do crazy people know they're crazy?" She tries to force her eyes open to hold his gaze. Regardless of her effort, she's likely to fall asleep and start snoring soon. This is a conversation they should have when she's sober certainly though it's unlikely she'll bring it up.

It does make Ruby feel better, or it will when she stops to realize that he remembers and he's still here.

Oh, Ruby would love to erase her role as well, but keeping those blanks hard to fill and as small as possible is the best thing for Sam and that's what erasing his memory is about. She can (and has) dealt with the things she did.

They're a team no matter what.

"Oh, I will," Dean assures him with a glance to Ruby. She nods in agreement. He'll get no argument from her there, but she won't allow anyone to separate her and Sam.

Ruby begs to differ as well. She doesn't think that will actually help Sam. They're going to spend the rest of Sam's life together. He'll learn how to deal with this alongside her.

The relief that sweeps through Ruby at Sam's words is almost visible. Regardless of what they've been through, he still wants to do this whole thing with her. Dean opens his mouth to argue then stops. "I don't know how that's going to work, Sammy."

"We'll figure it out," Ruby answers. "I've got a few ideas. The blood isn't his power. It's a crutch...easy street."

John looks back and forth between Dean, Ruby and Sam. "We ought to let Sam and Lucy sleep. We can discuss this later." Once Sam is asleep, John means. They'll have a hard time prying Ruby away from Sam for longer than it takes for her to shower or take a hot bath though.

Re: The plot thickens

[weirddreams]

Lucy should leave her name the way it is. Besides if Cas and her get serious, he could take her name in place of not having a name to share with her. Lucy deserves to keep her whole identity. The most traumatic thing for Sam was watching Tammy play with Ruby's innards. It's the right thing to do even if he doesn't know it yet or would agree.

Sam will say she can stay, and Mary will be on board as well as Lucy is like a girlfriend to her middle child already. Lucy keeping the apartment is no problem; Castiel isn't insecure enough to read it as a sign she may want to run from their exclusivity. Really, it is already their room. The only thing decorating Castiel's room is the hang in there cat poster Sam did not want and a walkman and mixtape. Any touches Lucy can provide are welcome.

He is very aware Lucy is similar to Dean and he won't rush her to admit anything she is not ready to say for that reason. His fingers fall out from her brushing her hair and he hushes her with a finger to her lips, all the while his affection for her swells. "Close your eyes," he asks of her again. "One way or the other, you will find your answer to if I'm real or not if you sleep." He must be bad at this because she holds his gaze and he holds her back. When she does start to nod off, he pulls the blanket up more to tuck her in. The conversation always was meant to wait and he hopes her dreams take her somewhere nice.

Everything that happened is still in there; so yes, she should stop to realize that he wants her around.

If things had gone to plan this weekend, they'd be more than a team; they'd be engaged.

Sam closes his eyes momentarily, and nods his head. It's all the assurance he needs from the two both of them. Honestly, short of a miracle though, detox is the only place he can see this going.

He scrubs his hands over his face and opens his eyes again, focusing tiredly on Dean. "How are things supposed to return to normal if I can't do it?" That's the burning question on his mind. Mostly, he's afraid the addiction will require Ruby to be removed from his life for a long period of time.

What Ruby says about figuring it out is exactly what he wants to hear. It gives him more solace to hear that the blood isn't the power. Perhaps there is an answer in using his powers without the crutch of demon blood. Yes, there is an answer somewhere.

That sleep John talks about sounds better as his brain struggles to find an answer and his eyelids start to feel heavy again. "Yeah, umm, think on it. That's what we will do." Of course, he assumes he won't be out of the discussion. Sam wouldn't blame Ruby for speaking on his behalf or taking care of herself if she were to leave for any length of time.